is love real?

i look at dramas,
i look at couples,
i look at fictionals,
i look at the mirror,
i look at you and me,
are we really like them?
are we really in love?
are we really meant to be?

if we are,
why isnt my heart racing for you?
why aren't my face blushing for you?
why arent I excited to a point I would jump around?
why cant I always smile when I see your face?
why do I cry sometimes because of you?

so many whys, so little answers.

so if we were really meant to be,
then why are you questioning our relationship?
why are you asking things like if I'm afraid of losing you to someone better one day?
if you really trust our love why will you be worried?
if i were really going to run off with someone else,
I would have done it long time ago,
I wouldnt have waited till now to do things,
I wouldnt have stayed with you through all the storms.
I would have given up and ran off.

So through all these trouble,
why cant you see,
that I am here for you,
no matter for rich or for poorer,
for sickness or health.

Appearantly your insecure is still there,
apperantly my love for you isnt enough,
maybe its just me.
maybe i just think too much.
i wish sometimes you would have more faith in me,
just sometimes.

Confused and lost in denial..

Sometimes we tend to be in denial really often,
thinking that we can undo what was done,
thinking that maybe things would turn and change,
thinking that life can still be the same.

What we dont know was,
that these werent the reality,
just something you desire,
somemthing you wished for and craved for,
something you like to convience yourself its true.

Where's that real part of me?
Where is the part of me that is expressing the real feeling?
Why can't I feel any of those.
Why am I so confused standing here,
by myself.

Do I deserve this?
Do I even deserve love?
Please can someone please tell me what to do?
Can someone please?

Greed.

Life is unbelievable. Greed take up everything. They take up what your family thinks what your friends thinks sometimes causes to useless troubles. But then again ,what are humans without trouble and greed? That's something we obviously cannot live without. Our emotion tends to drive us to ends. Our greedy self would tend to back us up making us think of the unfair and make ourselves the pity one while that may not be the whole truth itself. It's silly how a person thinks, how they think their all fair and justice and judge others all they want when in reality they themselves cannot do better. It's a stupid life concept but then people still do it regardless.
Where's that pure soul from long ago? The untainted soul, the one that sparkles and shines so bright. The one that our society will crush and ignore? It already seem impossible enough for me to find myself a great friend who will be there for me regardless, and now there's this?
I tend to wonder where our society goes to. Why this why that? Where's the real answer. Am I stupid? Shouldn't I be satisfied already with the result? No. Well I guess human never intended to change. And the best they can do would probably be self realization.

Friending limit.

To me, I have one type of concept that maybe some can related, some have the same and the rest would think I am just being unreasonable. I don't like my date or boyfriends to be friended with my friends.
Was is because of jealousy? Was it because of greed? But truly even I don't know why.

(written before inner self - unfinished )

Men's Hormone and Desires

     Why don't you ever think about how others feel? Why does the world always evolve around you and only you? I know according to you the relationship involved not just one but two of us and with the two of us, two opinions must be shared.
It’s true, all the things you stated, and they are true. But how much of my thoughts are within your thoughts when you conclude “we” and “us” in each and every one of your sentences, and how much of “you” or “I” is included in that sentence?
Everyone is greedy in their own way, they just don’t notice. Even when it comes to the nicest people, they have some greedy somewhere upon them that they just don’t show but it’s still there.
I hate how you thread me with your insecure, and use it as excuse each time when you want to know something or when you want to do something. Sex is simply an action, an action many men tends to pray for and desire much especially from their other half, and if not, from a girl. Many desire strongly to a point where they lose their senses and others just have those sudden male hormone rush that take over their mind. But for whatever it is, girls like us are the ones who suffer.
With a man threaten to take your virginity away because he claimed without taking it away from his girlfriend he feels insecure, someone tell me what kind of logic is behind such sense? In what universe is that a kind of acceptable logic to people? Perhaps to men it’s someone sensible, more like a great excuse to take it away, but to girls, it’s a threat, a set of black mail, and forceful way of saying, “Hey! If you don’t hand over your virginity to me and have sex with me, I will break up with you or cheat on you, or if I find a girl who can do the things you can’t I will leave you and do it with her.”
Like seriously, did all the traditional men suddenly die or something? Or is it just greedy that men tend to grow when the relationship is overtime? It’s only been nearly the end of our 3^rd month being together, and I am being responsible for giving him my virginity, and according to him waiting a year is too long? Wow, what am I to you? The love of your life or some temporary toy you want to use as a sex machine? Honestly, because I don’t know either.