Confused and lost in denial..

Sometimes we tend to be in denial really often,
thinking that we can undo what was done,
thinking that maybe things would turn and change,
thinking that life can still be the same.

What we dont know was,
that these werent the reality,
just something you desire,
somemthing you wished for and craved for,
something you like to convience yourself its true.

Where's that real part of me?
Where is the part of me that is expressing the real feeling?
Why can't I feel any of those.
Why am I so confused standing here,
by myself.

Do I deserve this?
Do I even deserve love?
Please can someone please tell me what to do?
Can someone please?

Stress.

What is stress? Stress is this invisible wall, invisible unconsciousness that tend to tell us to head for the wrong thing at the wrong time. It's stress that sometimes leads anger to a place where we never thought of going. It is stress that made us regret our every action we have done upon anger that harmed everyone along the way. And it was stress that lead many people like him to making me writing this post.

He was just an ordinary college kid, with a few extraordinary qualities. Their not all extraordinarily good or extraordinarily bad but then to many it wouldn't be tolerate-able because of how short his temper is when he is in a bad mood or under stress. Sometimes even I can't handle such a personality. But I hide it, I hide the fact that I couldn't handle it. I pretended to be strong but end up hurting the most. Shattered in the corner, breaking down alone later. You see, one thing worst about stresses is the fact that you tend to lead others to depression or anger too. You just simply unconsciously drag them down.

Tonight he was stressed, stressed not from just the workload but having less then the regular amount of sleep people tends to have. Getting back to his dorm, tired as he was at 4, he receives his girlfriends call, without second thoughts he picks it up and without complains he stays with her all the way until 5 o'clock. He was dead tired, after all he could have been already laying down on his bed relaxing and dreaming about the most amazing-est thing, yet he chooses to be with her simply because she asked him to. Simply because she fell asleep and ended up not calling him hours before. Simply because she cannot get over the fact that she didn't talk to him and simply most important one of all, she misses his voice.

Tonight like last night she fell asleep, though it didn't take long before she awaken. She again thought she overslept and instantly called him but during the ringing of the phone she suddenly remember what happened, she had a fight with him because he could talk to her while working. In a way is understandable but in another it's unreasonable for her to be mad, I mean after all he was only working so hard and up to so late just for her.

The conversation started out like usual conversations but later as it progresses the table tends to turn and it became uneasy on both of them. One side was under huge load of stress not getting enough sleep the whole week through as far as since Monday meanwhile the girl is the one being released at. But she don't mind, though some words crushed her like being stabbed on the back she knew that he was under stress, she convinces herself that it's alright. Secretly there were tears in her eyes from listening to all the harshness but she didn't minded a thing, she knew that if releasing it like that would make him feel better then why not? If to lower ones self esteem and Hirt others can make others happy, especially him then why not?
To surprise this wasn't the first time they ever did such a conversation.
In fact they do this back in the days when there was nothing between them, but that's another story.