你是怎麼弄丟了曾深愛的她的...

你是怎麼弄丟了曾深愛的她的

剛到手的時候疼人家到骨子裡去，每天給她打十幾個電話，發幾十條信息，她說什麼你都銘記在心，想吃什麼、想買什麼、想去哪裡你都會盡全力去滿足，溫柔體貼無微不至，巴不得二十四個小時都能跟她呆在一起；一開始總是包容的，就算她的生活習慣與你不同也會努力的調試配合，一切一切都是美好的……

　　久了，膩了！每天別說幾十個電話，就連1個電話都懶得打，打電話時只說具體情況，把那些覺得無關要緊的“情趣”話都省了；信息就更不用說了，她發10條你回有一半你就覺得你回的已經夠多了，就連她打電話給你你都覺得她啰嗦！

　　你不會再為她想吃早點而早早起床，你不會再為她排隊買她想要東西，你不會專門請假帶她去她想去的地方，你會覺得她什麼事都依賴著你，讓你覺得她麻煩事特多！

　　接著你會發現她的缺點越來越多，她的優點快被她的缺點掩蓋，你快忍無可忍！最後，厭了！瀟灑的用“分手吧！”一句簡單的言語結束了復雜的感情；或耗著等著，直到有一天她受不了忽冷忽熱或若即若離的態度自己選擇離開，你還可以說是她自己離你而去，你沒有負心……

　　男人，你記不記得你曾經說過：“我永遠都會對你這麼好，一輩子都這樣愛著你寵著你！”
　　不是她麻煩事特多，是你一開始就說得做得太到位，才會讓她依賴上你！你記不記得你曾經說過：“不管多晚，睡不著都可以打電話給我，我的手機24小時都為你開機！”
　　那你又嫌她不體貼，白天工作的時候打電話打擾到你，辛苦了一天晚上要睡覺了她還纏著你不肯掛線。是誰讓她養成何時何地想打電話給你就打電話給你的習慣？

　　她無理取鬧。
　　那是因為從某一個時間段你的態度變了，你開始冷落她了；讓她覺得沒了安全感，由使她起疑心！不是她不信任你，不給你空間，而是她愛你，在乎你，用盡所有時間去關心你，你的生活細微改變都牽扯著她的情緒！

　　她脾氣不好。
　　那是因為她有很多時候知道了很多事情，但你不說，她都選擇沉默，在一直沉默；積壓到一定的時間她們就會爆發心中的所有怨氣；要知道，這一些都不是她脾氣不好，是你不夠細心發覺，她們是一直積壓下來的！

　　她不再跟以前一樣動人。
　　當初是誰說不喜歡她每天變化多端像只花蝴蝶，是誰說喜歡她素顏的清純模樣？雖說喜新厭舊是人性，除了毛主席跟古董以外，什麼東西看久了都會審美疲勞；但她不是東西，她是個活生生有著感情的人！

　　你不再給她答案，不再給她承諾，不希望你以後做不到讓這些答案跟承諾變成謊言！
　　那你以前又給她那麼多答案，給她那麼多承諾，現在為自己鋪好後路可以前承諾過的叫她怎麼忘記？女人不怕諾言沒實現，怕的是你承諾了又不去實現，最後實不實現是另一個問題！

　　你忙，你沒時間沒精力討好她，你不知道她現在在想什麼？
　　那你以前不忙嗎？你以前是不是就把全部時間用來討好她而不用工作？那你以前怎麼都那麼細心觀察她在想什麼？

　　你覺得你們不配，你不想她再浪費感情在這段沒結果的愛情上。那你一開始追她干嘛？做實驗啊？她都已經浪費這麼多感情了，你當感情是水龍頭啊，說開就開說關就關！對，這一切都是你給自己找的借口！別以為換個女朋友就可以永遠擺脫那種感情暗淡時期，因為不久的將來你還是得回到這種時光，下個女朋友也是，下下個女朋友也是，下下下個女朋友也是，有種你一輩子不談戀愛不結婚……

　　男人們，看完了回想一下你們的那段美好時光，趁現在沒有人偷偷想想是不是你們給自己找借口了？那個以前深愛的女人現在就那麼不值得你愛了麼？別說你瞎了狗眼以前才會跟她在一起，因為你沒瞎，也請不要侮辱到狗！後悔分手的趕快努力從新追回來，以後用心經營著共有的感情！其實女人要的很簡單，只想要一個愛自己男人就夠了……想要分手的考慮清楚，並不是每段感情都可以挽回的！考慮太久也不行，因為她們可以忍耐你冷落她一段時間，但不會一輩子傻下去；她們再怎麼傻，也會給自己一個時間段，去忍受你的冷落，去相信你的愛；但時間一到，她們會毫不猶豫的離開，到那時再多的甜言蜜語都沒有用了，因為這世界上沒有誰離開誰就活不了！

　　戀愛中的，好好珍惜現在那個願意照顧你，體諒你，願意陪你承擔風雨的傻女人吧！過了這個村，或許就沒這個店了……

　　到時間結婚的就結婚吧，不要再拖拖拉拉婆婆媽媽；結婚證一領就像買了保險，至少心裡都有底了……

　　愛情，就像煮粥！滾燙的時候加點配料它就是夠火候又有滋有味的；等到忘記關火煮焦了的時候，你聞都不想聞它甚至你連鍋都想把它扔了……

　　看好你的火吧。
　　我只能說……我看了痛哭啊……


source ):

is love real?

i look at dramas,
i look at couples,
i look at fictionals,
i look at the mirror,
i look at you and me,
are we really like them?
are we really in love?
are we really meant to be?

if we are,
why isnt my heart racing for you?
why aren't my face blushing for you?
why arent I excited to a point I would jump around?
why cant I always smile when I see your face?
why do I cry sometimes because of you?

so many whys, so little answers.

so if we were really meant to be,
then why are you questioning our relationship?
why are you asking things like if I'm afraid of losing you to someone better one day?
if you really trust our love why will you be worried?
if i were really going to run off with someone else,
I would have done it long time ago,
I wouldnt have waited till now to do things,
I wouldnt have stayed with you through all the storms.
I would have given up and ran off.

So through all these trouble,
why cant you see,
that I am here for you,
no matter for rich or for poorer,
for sickness or health.

Appearantly your insecure is still there,
apperantly my love for you isnt enough,
maybe its just me.
maybe i just think too much.
i wish sometimes you would have more faith in me,
just sometimes.

Confused and lost in denial..

Sometimes we tend to be in denial really often,
thinking that we can undo what was done,
thinking that maybe things would turn and change,
thinking that life can still be the same.

What we dont know was,
that these werent the reality,
just something you desire,
somemthing you wished for and craved for,
something you like to convience yourself its true.

Where's that real part of me?
Where is the part of me that is expressing the real feeling?
Why can't I feel any of those.
Why am I so confused standing here,
by myself.

Do I deserve this?
Do I even deserve love?
Please can someone please tell me what to do?
Can someone please?

Jealousy.

I hate jealousy, it can happen anytime, anywhere, with just about any reason. You tend to get jealous over people having a better life, others having better friends, or boy/girlfriends, even family treatments.
Sometimes it gets overwhelming when jealousy hits, and other times you just feel like anything can happen when insecurity hits. Jealousy and insecurity once crosses each other, their like best friends, like two magnets being super glued together. You cannot separate them, even when events tends to solve itself at times there's really no such thing as a complete trust. At one point in life you're going to end up not trusting your other half in life, especially when their close friend or the friend they end up always hang around is an opposite sex. And they get along way better than you getting along with your other half. You tend to feel like you're losing it, perhaps towards just your own mind or to jealousy and insecurity but for whatever reason it is, most of the time we don't speak of it because it may be embarrassing to talk about it or just simply wanted to act all mighty and strong when simply you're nothing near that when jealousy and insecurity comes.
Funny thing is most of the times it's always the guys having more famine friends than girls having masculine friends. Don't you know I get jealous too? Don't you know even though I don't show it but every time when you talk to one of your friend that is a girl? Haha of course you wouldn't know because I don't tell you things like this. You may think your insecurity is higher than mine, but if I can get jealous of nearly every girl that gets close to you you think I wouldn't be more insecure in comparison to you? You idiot. I care for you too much but I don't express it for some strange reason. Maybe i am just scared and wants to act strong. But why does it hurt so much to act strong? Why does it always hurt to act strong?
But it's not like I can tell you to not make friends with girls. Your nature is to flirt, even if you don't notice. I hate myself for choosing you, but I never regretted it. Even despite the fact that 99% of your friends are all girls and are decent looking ones too. Sometimes makes me wonder if you really do care about how I feel.
Maybe I just think too much, but really, wearing something that someone gives you and that's a girl? I really question myself if you really understand me at all or not. Though I may not know myself much, I am a extremely insecure person that though i trust people easily I don't trust anyone completely. I don't tell people about my personal things much nor do I ever express my sorrow out. I'd rather scream and cry and rage by myself than to tell others. I'd rather shed tears in the corner than to let others see. Though I am social and talk to people a lot and act all crazy no one knows how I think in the inside nor do you. But of course all these wouldn't matter now would it?
Silly me getting depress and insecure and jealous of you wearing the bracelet she made for you. Well thanks for not even telling me about it. because you know it may be the smallest thing to you, to me it's by far the biggest thing. Ha, and to think we'd have a far future and you don't even know I am always so insecure, let's just see how far it's gonna last till you finally notice me in that crowd of girls you flirt. But just saying if you ever touch me with that bracelet on your arm, or even if you're gonna be wearing that bracelet at all don't bother touching me. I am an ambitious woman. Damn it.

Guys, is there any guys out there that actually care about girls and how they feel? Or are those guys already ancient history?

One more question, am I a bit overboard to get jealous of that post on fb? Of a girl giving a guy a bracelet? Of them being such close friends? ): is it really just me and my insecurities?! are there any other girls out there that would feel the same way as me? I think I need a therapist or someone to give me good relationship advice.

Stress.

What is stress? Stress is this invisible wall, invisible unconsciousness that tend to tell us to head for the wrong thing at the wrong time. It's stress that sometimes leads anger to a place where we never thought of going. It is stress that made us regret our every action we have done upon anger that harmed everyone along the way. And it was stress that lead many people like him to making me writing this post.

He was just an ordinary college kid, with a few extraordinary qualities. Their not all extraordinarily good or extraordinarily bad but then to many it wouldn't be tolerate-able because of how short his temper is when he is in a bad mood or under stress. Sometimes even I can't handle such a personality. But I hide it, I hide the fact that I couldn't handle it. I pretended to be strong but end up hurting the most. Shattered in the corner, breaking down alone later. You see, one thing worst about stresses is the fact that you tend to lead others to depression or anger too. You just simply unconsciously drag them down.

Tonight he was stressed, stressed not from just the workload but having less then the regular amount of sleep people tends to have. Getting back to his dorm, tired as he was at 4, he receives his girlfriends call, without second thoughts he picks it up and without complains he stays with her all the way until 5 o'clock. He was dead tired, after all he could have been already laying down on his bed relaxing and dreaming about the most amazing-est thing, yet he chooses to be with her simply because she asked him to. Simply because she fell asleep and ended up not calling him hours before. Simply because she cannot get over the fact that she didn't talk to him and simply most important one of all, she misses his voice.

Tonight like last night she fell asleep, though it didn't take long before she awaken. She again thought she overslept and instantly called him but during the ringing of the phone she suddenly remember what happened, she had a fight with him because he could talk to her while working. In a way is understandable but in another it's unreasonable for her to be mad, I mean after all he was only working so hard and up to so late just for her.

The conversation started out like usual conversations but later as it progresses the table tends to turn and it became uneasy on both of them. One side was under huge load of stress not getting enough sleep the whole week through as far as since Monday meanwhile the girl is the one being released at. But she don't mind, though some words crushed her like being stabbed on the back she knew that he was under stress, she convinces herself that it's alright. Secretly there were tears in her eyes from listening to all the harshness but she didn't minded a thing, she knew that if releasing it like that would make him feel better then why not? If to lower ones self esteem and Hirt others can make others happy, especially him then why not?
To surprise this wasn't the first time they ever did such a conversation.
In fact they do this back in the days when there was nothing between them, but that's another story.

The second of 8th.

It's three forty in the morning, and things were falling into places but at the same time falling apart.

Calling him having him pick up and getting out of bed is sweet and all. But sticking with the lies hurts me like being cut my a knife. Why can't he just tell me the truth? Why does he have to hide things?

Why couldn't he tell me the whole truth rather than half truth. It's true that on Wednesday morning October third Connie texted Danny about having nightmare of Justin Bieber. Having a race w him. Yeah that's true, but what was the other side of truth was that he called her that very morning at two o clock. Telling her about how it begun , how it happened, and when it happened. And she I guess told him more about my family background and me and such thing.
They were texting even before then like everyday sigh why didn't he and won't he tell me.
Why?
Though he now promised that he will never text to her, exception after my birthday (that secret prom recreation in the park he was trying to make. But seriously buying me a hollister dress and forcing me to wear it at night in the park is terrible.)
HA HA HA! (:

Well
There goes the end
Of the new beginning.

The second of 8th, if you ever wonder it means OCT ober 2nd indirectly.
It have an indirect meaning but we ll see and find out how it goes.

But if you end up finding my blog one day, please think all the things I wrote thru even though I doubt you will ever find it even tho it's in public.

" there's always bumps in a relationship, it can be happy, sad, but it's what's in the middle that is what we will remember."

Why did he say he never called her ? When in fact he did. Why?
Why?

Trust.

Like let's all be honest here. What is trust exactly? Is it a object? No. A feeling? No. Then what in the world is it?
Its funny how things turns out, how once trust is lost its nearly impossible to get back.

It's true.

Why do lie? Friendly lies can never hurt anyone they say, ha what a lie. Regardless of whether it's friendly or not, lying is lying and to me it's a part of trust you had in that person that is lost.
Relationships builds on trust, and when you grow doubts in a person, you will soon realize your mistake and:or hope they do the same too.

Dear the one I cared for dearly ,
I am terribly sorry for lying to you: it wasn't from your best friend's random message scrolling that caught my eyes. It was the wonder curiosity and the stalking mode girlfriends tend to have hidden within them that got to this. While you were eating and chatting w your best friend downstairs and entrusting your phone w me, I looked through it and checked your message, at first was just to pass the time but then after staring at the menu for nearly 15 minutes I realize you texted my best friend.
Though you promised you wouldn't text her, though you promised you wouldn't lie, you still texted her and lied to me about it.
My pure stupidity lead me to this, yes definitely.
I should've known, why did I make it do obvious? I could have faked emotions like how I did it in high school yet I didn't. Oh silly me.

I confronted him, told him that during his best friends message scrolling I saw her last text was at October 3rd Wednesday. He told me that he thought when I said not to text her? That replying didn't count as texting her. How the heck is it not? I asked him if he texted her inbetween from the time where I told him to stop texting her to the time where they last texted , Wednesday , and he said no.
I wouldn't have bought it even if I didn't see it for myself, but then I did, which make me realize something, that he have crappy lies, How does he expect me to buy that?

He told me that she texted him about her nightmare and that was it, they never texted before that.
And I was like oh so randomly, out of no where, in between the time where I told you not to text her a month ago till Wednesday you guys never texted?
"yup"
And out of no where she just decided to text you that she have a nightmare?
"yeah, how's that not possible? Kheysayc called me out of no where during class about hanging out and we never talked after skills."
That's freaking different, I know I am at wrong too for stalking him and reading partial messages, but it's not like lying isn't wrong, especially when he promised yesterday about the fact that he will never lie.
Then he said something that really got me. Even if I did I could have just erased it and you wouldn't know that it happened.

True.
True.
Sigh.

So what is trust then?

Hideous Fights

It's really funny how things always turns out. I mean one second you can be talking about the sweetest thing with your love one and the next second you could be in total breakdown from arguing. The most interesting thing is how the smallest argument can become a big fight if you don't contain it. I mean oh okay, its normal to have arguement once in a while, because a couple without  argument  are like apple candy without the stick, it's impossible to become perfect! And you know what I mean! I didnt actially mean perfect perfect, I just meant perfect enough to last long. Perfect couples never exist, only ones that are close to perfect exisit.
Its often like what they say in Chinese culture, "打是情罵是愛", like how should I say it? If translating it directly, it should be hit is feeling and nagging/yelling is love. Its quite a cute phrase that my boyfriend tend to use as excuse sometimes.
I understand that fighting is essential in an relationship, but when you have two dominate ones in a relationship, and none of them back off, and with all the stubborness acquired, its almost impossible to separate those two and prevent them from fighting. Like honestly, for one to stop fighting its either one have to back up a step or they both do it at the same time or else it wouldn't stop.
To be honest, sometimes i even question myself, am I the one at the fault? Am I the one that did the wrongs? This is true for everyone, but when you get angry, you tend to make decision without second thoughts of the consequence  And most of the time it leads to terrible after shock. And sometimes regretful pain. I mean you can be reading this now and not take any of this in, or thinking, oh this will never happen to me, or I will change, but trust me, that's just the thought before you're actually angry. I mean when you actually get angry that's a different thing, trust me, you wouldn't completely do all the things you have told yourself to do beforehead.

Am I crazy for writing my first blog at 2:01 AM on a school day when there's a quiz tomorrow for my 5 unit Japanese Class? Yeah I am definitely crazy alright.
Well that's it for now,

best wishes readers!
-Jenny (: