Jealousy.

I hate jealousy, it can happen anytime, anywhere, with just about any reason. You tend to get jealous over people having a better life, others having better friends, or boy/girlfriends, even family treatments.
Sometimes it gets overwhelming when jealousy hits, and other times you just feel like anything can happen when insecurity hits. Jealousy and insecurity once crosses each other, their like best friends, like two magnets being super glued together. You cannot separate them, even when events tends to solve itself at times there's really no such thing as a complete trust. At one point in life you're going to end up not trusting your other half in life, especially when their close friend or the friend they end up always hang around is an opposite sex. And they get along way better than you getting along with your other half. You tend to feel like you're losing it, perhaps towards just your own mind or to jealousy and insecurity but for whatever reason it is, most of the time we don't speak of it because it may be embarrassing to talk about it or just simply wanted to act all mighty and strong when simply you're nothing near that when jealousy and insecurity comes.
Funny thing is most of the times it's always the guys having more famine friends than girls having masculine friends. Don't you know I get jealous too? Don't you know even though I don't show it but every time when you talk to one of your friend that is a girl? Haha of course you wouldn't know because I don't tell you things like this. You may think your insecurity is higher than mine, but if I can get jealous of nearly every girl that gets close to you you think I wouldn't be more insecure in comparison to you? You idiot. I care for you too much but I don't express it for some strange reason. Maybe i am just scared and wants to act strong. But why does it hurt so much to act strong? Why does it always hurt to act strong?
But it's not like I can tell you to not make friends with girls. Your nature is to flirt, even if you don't notice. I hate myself for choosing you, but I never regretted it. Even despite the fact that 99% of your friends are all girls and are decent looking ones too. Sometimes makes me wonder if you really do care about how I feel.
Maybe I just think too much, but really, wearing something that someone gives you and that's a girl? I really question myself if you really understand me at all or not. Though I may not know myself much, I am a extremely insecure person that though i trust people easily I don't trust anyone completely. I don't tell people about my personal things much nor do I ever express my sorrow out. I'd rather scream and cry and rage by myself than to tell others. I'd rather shed tears in the corner than to let others see. Though I am social and talk to people a lot and act all crazy no one knows how I think in the inside nor do you. But of course all these wouldn't matter now would it?
Silly me getting depress and insecure and jealous of you wearing the bracelet she made for you. Well thanks for not even telling me about it. because you know it may be the smallest thing to you, to me it's by far the biggest thing. Ha, and to think we'd have a far future and you don't even know I am always so insecure, let's just see how far it's gonna last till you finally notice me in that crowd of girls you flirt. But just saying if you ever touch me with that bracelet on your arm, or even if you're gonna be wearing that bracelet at all don't bother touching me. I am an ambitious woman. Damn it.

Guys, is there any guys out there that actually care about girls and how they feel? Or are those guys already ancient history?

One more question, am I a bit overboard to get jealous of that post on fb? Of a girl giving a guy a bracelet? Of them being such close friends? ): is it really just me and my insecurities?! are there any other girls out there that would feel the same way as me? I think I need a therapist or someone to give me good relationship advice.

The second of 8th.

It's three forty in the morning, and things were falling into places but at the same time falling apart.

Calling him having him pick up and getting out of bed is sweet and all. But sticking with the lies hurts me like being cut my a knife. Why can't he just tell me the truth? Why does he have to hide things?

Why couldn't he tell me the whole truth rather than half truth. It's true that on Wednesday morning October third Connie texted Danny about having nightmare of Justin Bieber. Having a race w him. Yeah that's true, but what was the other side of truth was that he called her that very morning at two o clock. Telling her about how it begun , how it happened, and when it happened. And she I guess told him more about my family background and me and such thing.
They were texting even before then like everyday sigh why didn't he and won't he tell me.
Why?
Though he now promised that he will never text to her, exception after my birthday (that secret prom recreation in the park he was trying to make. But seriously buying me a hollister dress and forcing me to wear it at night in the park is terrible.)
HA HA HA! (:

Well
There goes the end
Of the new beginning.

The second of 8th, if you ever wonder it means OCT ober 2nd indirectly.
It have an indirect meaning but we ll see and find out how it goes.

But if you end up finding my blog one day, please think all the things I wrote thru even though I doubt you will ever find it even tho it's in public.

" there's always bumps in a relationship, it can be happy, sad, but it's what's in the middle that is what we will remember."

Why did he say he never called her ? When in fact he did. Why?
Why?

Hideous Fights

It's really funny how things always turns out. I mean one second you can be talking about the sweetest thing with your love one and the next second you could be in total breakdown from arguing. The most interesting thing is how the smallest argument can become a big fight if you don't contain it. I mean oh okay, its normal to have arguement once in a while, because a couple without  argument  are like apple candy without the stick, it's impossible to become perfect! And you know what I mean! I didnt actially mean perfect perfect, I just meant perfect enough to last long. Perfect couples never exist, only ones that are close to perfect exisit.
Its often like what they say in Chinese culture, "打是情罵是愛", like how should I say it? If translating it directly, it should be hit is feeling and nagging/yelling is love. Its quite a cute phrase that my boyfriend tend to use as excuse sometimes.
I understand that fighting is essential in an relationship, but when you have two dominate ones in a relationship, and none of them back off, and with all the stubborness acquired, its almost impossible to separate those two and prevent them from fighting. Like honestly, for one to stop fighting its either one have to back up a step or they both do it at the same time or else it wouldn't stop.
To be honest, sometimes i even question myself, am I the one at the fault? Am I the one that did the wrongs? This is true for everyone, but when you get angry, you tend to make decision without second thoughts of the consequence  And most of the time it leads to terrible after shock. And sometimes regretful pain. I mean you can be reading this now and not take any of this in, or thinking, oh this will never happen to me, or I will change, but trust me, that's just the thought before you're actually angry. I mean when you actually get angry that's a different thing, trust me, you wouldn't completely do all the things you have told yourself to do beforehead.

Am I crazy for writing my first blog at 2:01 AM on a school day when there's a quiz tomorrow for my 5 unit Japanese Class? Yeah I am definitely crazy alright.
Well that's it for now,

best wishes readers!
-Jenny (: