Promises

GOD DAMN IT BLOGGER. LOST MY THREE PARAGRAPH BLOG. I HATE MOBILE VERSION NOW DAMN IT!

Promises, what are promises? What are promises suppose to be? A joke? A thing to forget almost instantly? If you were to promise someone something then why would you forget it? Shouldn't you care enough to remember what is it and achieve it? Shouldn't you put it into priority before everything else that aren't a promise?
Promise is such a down fall in humanity. People trust them, and then they fall. People who doesn't trust then will end up alone. So what can we possibly do? If people would be more trustworthy then this world may be better off.
But then again, what is promises? A pinky? A thumb? A thought? Or a heart? how much efforts are you willing to put into a promise? By putting effort it doesn't just mean achieve it and maintain it but to actually remember it forever. Even though they promise things and we as the people they promise to should remind them but then shouldn't they remember it better than us? Not because their the ones doing it but because their the ones who promised it prior to us who didn't.
And then there's the other thing, denying. Denying is the worst among the worst of all promises. "Hey. You promised me this this this..." Next thing you know they smirk and go "don't be stupid, I never did such thing" yeah you may regret ever believing in them but honestly what can you do? Nothing. You can just sigh there and question yourself on why you do that. Sometimes I wish that things like this wouldn't happen. Sometimes I wish a promise can last. Last and happen.

Until next time.

Jealousy.

I hate jealousy, it can happen anytime, anywhere, with just about any reason. You tend to get jealous over people having a better life, others having better friends, or boy/girlfriends, even family treatments.
Sometimes it gets overwhelming when jealousy hits, and other times you just feel like anything can happen when insecurity hits. Jealousy and insecurity once crosses each other, their like best friends, like two magnets being super glued together. You cannot separate them, even when events tends to solve itself at times there's really no such thing as a complete trust. At one point in life you're going to end up not trusting your other half in life, especially when their close friend or the friend they end up always hang around is an opposite sex. And they get along way better than you getting along with your other half. You tend to feel like you're losing it, perhaps towards just your own mind or to jealousy and insecurity but for whatever reason it is, most of the time we don't speak of it because it may be embarrassing to talk about it or just simply wanted to act all mighty and strong when simply you're nothing near that when jealousy and insecurity comes.
Funny thing is most of the times it's always the guys having more famine friends than girls having masculine friends. Don't you know I get jealous too? Don't you know even though I don't show it but every time when you talk to one of your friend that is a girl? Haha of course you wouldn't know because I don't tell you things like this. You may think your insecurity is higher than mine, but if I can get jealous of nearly every girl that gets close to you you think I wouldn't be more insecure in comparison to you? You idiot. I care for you too much but I don't express it for some strange reason. Maybe i am just scared and wants to act strong. But why does it hurt so much to act strong? Why does it always hurt to act strong?
But it's not like I can tell you to not make friends with girls. Your nature is to flirt, even if you don't notice. I hate myself for choosing you, but I never regretted it. Even despite the fact that 99% of your friends are all girls and are decent looking ones too. Sometimes makes me wonder if you really do care about how I feel.
Maybe I just think too much, but really, wearing something that someone gives you and that's a girl? I really question myself if you really understand me at all or not. Though I may not know myself much, I am a extremely insecure person that though i trust people easily I don't trust anyone completely. I don't tell people about my personal things much nor do I ever express my sorrow out. I'd rather scream and cry and rage by myself than to tell others. I'd rather shed tears in the corner than to let others see. Though I am social and talk to people a lot and act all crazy no one knows how I think in the inside nor do you. But of course all these wouldn't matter now would it?
Silly me getting depress and insecure and jealous of you wearing the bracelet she made for you. Well thanks for not even telling me about it. because you know it may be the smallest thing to you, to me it's by far the biggest thing. Ha, and to think we'd have a far future and you don't even know I am always so insecure, let's just see how far it's gonna last till you finally notice me in that crowd of girls you flirt. But just saying if you ever touch me with that bracelet on your arm, or even if you're gonna be wearing that bracelet at all don't bother touching me. I am an ambitious woman. Damn it.

Guys, is there any guys out there that actually care about girls and how they feel? Or are those guys already ancient history?

One more question, am I a bit overboard to get jealous of that post on fb? Of a girl giving a guy a bracelet? Of them being such close friends? ): is it really just me and my insecurities?! are there any other girls out there that would feel the same way as me? I think I need a therapist or someone to give me good relationship advice.

The second of 8th.

It's three forty in the morning, and things were falling into places but at the same time falling apart.

Calling him having him pick up and getting out of bed is sweet and all. But sticking with the lies hurts me like being cut my a knife. Why can't he just tell me the truth? Why does he have to hide things?

Why couldn't he tell me the whole truth rather than half truth. It's true that on Wednesday morning October third Connie texted Danny about having nightmare of Justin Bieber. Having a race w him. Yeah that's true, but what was the other side of truth was that he called her that very morning at two o clock. Telling her about how it begun , how it happened, and when it happened. And she I guess told him more about my family background and me and such thing.
They were texting even before then like everyday sigh why didn't he and won't he tell me.
Why?
Though he now promised that he will never text to her, exception after my birthday (that secret prom recreation in the park he was trying to make. But seriously buying me a hollister dress and forcing me to wear it at night in the park is terrible.)
HA HA HA! (:

Well
There goes the end
Of the new beginning.

The second of 8th, if you ever wonder it means OCT ober 2nd indirectly.
It have an indirect meaning but we ll see and find out how it goes.

But if you end up finding my blog one day, please think all the things I wrote thru even though I doubt you will ever find it even tho it's in public.

" there's always bumps in a relationship, it can be happy, sad, but it's what's in the middle that is what we will remember."

Why did he say he never called her ? When in fact he did. Why?
Why?

Trust.

Like let's all be honest here. What is trust exactly? Is it a object? No. A feeling? No. Then what in the world is it?
Its funny how things turns out, how once trust is lost its nearly impossible to get back.

It's true.

Why do lie? Friendly lies can never hurt anyone they say, ha what a lie. Regardless of whether it's friendly or not, lying is lying and to me it's a part of trust you had in that person that is lost.
Relationships builds on trust, and when you grow doubts in a person, you will soon realize your mistake and:or hope they do the same too.

Dear the one I cared for dearly ,
I am terribly sorry for lying to you: it wasn't from your best friend's random message scrolling that caught my eyes. It was the wonder curiosity and the stalking mode girlfriends tend to have hidden within them that got to this. While you were eating and chatting w your best friend downstairs and entrusting your phone w me, I looked through it and checked your message, at first was just to pass the time but then after staring at the menu for nearly 15 minutes I realize you texted my best friend.
Though you promised you wouldn't text her, though you promised you wouldn't lie, you still texted her and lied to me about it.
My pure stupidity lead me to this, yes definitely.
I should've known, why did I make it do obvious? I could have faked emotions like how I did it in high school yet I didn't. Oh silly me.

I confronted him, told him that during his best friends message scrolling I saw her last text was at October 3rd Wednesday. He told me that he thought when I said not to text her? That replying didn't count as texting her. How the heck is it not? I asked him if he texted her inbetween from the time where I told him to stop texting her to the time where they last texted , Wednesday , and he said no.
I wouldn't have bought it even if I didn't see it for myself, but then I did, which make me realize something, that he have crappy lies, How does he expect me to buy that?

He told me that she texted him about her nightmare and that was it, they never texted before that.
And I was like oh so randomly, out of no where, in between the time where I told you not to text her a month ago till Wednesday you guys never texted?
"yup"
And out of no where she just decided to text you that she have a nightmare?
"yeah, how's that not possible? Kheysayc called me out of no where during class about hanging out and we never talked after skills."
That's freaking different, I know I am at wrong too for stalking him and reading partial messages, but it's not like lying isn't wrong, especially when he promised yesterday about the fact that he will never lie.
Then he said something that really got me. Even if I did I could have just erased it and you wouldn't know that it happened.

True.
True.
Sigh.

So what is trust then?