Confused and lost in denial..

Sometimes we tend to be in denial really often,
thinking that we can undo what was done,
thinking that maybe things would turn and change,
thinking that life can still be the same.

What we dont know was,
that these werent the reality,
just something you desire,
somemthing you wished for and craved for,
something you like to convience yourself its true.

Where's that real part of me?
Where is the part of me that is expressing the real feeling?
Why can't I feel any of those.
Why am I so confused standing here,
by myself.

Do I deserve this?
Do I even deserve love?
Please can someone please tell me what to do?
Can someone please?

Reasonings.

What are they? What is reasonings? Why do we fucking need reasonings? Is it because without them we cannot explain ourselves and our emotions? Or is it because without them things become doll and boring. Perhaps less understood? We all have the period of time where we are tired of reasonings and just wished that things could explain itself.
Many of the time people cannot find the reasonings and end up spending their whole life devoting to finding the reasoning. What a stupid logic.
No offense or anything but spending your whole life on finding a reasoning that might be useless, how how is that chance? Sure higher than finding something useful of a reasoning that haven't been found yet.
Why do we sometimes runaway from the reality? The real reasoning? Is it the fear of finding out the truth or is it because of the fact that we already know the truth and reasoning but just in denial ?
Oh how I love our human mind..