When the clouds are clear when the fogs are gone, things yet to be seen clears up as well. The sudden realization of your surrounding after a little rest, a little break, a little clam, tends to flip all different kinds of thoughts around. The guilt after the storm, the anger after the confusion clears and things unties itself. Sometimes it may leave you with regret while other times it's those sincerity that helps you pass the storm without getting another one.
It's those moments you realize how much trouble you have caused and how much things you have said that you shouldn't even say.
For some, thought they feel the guilt, they have no idea how much they have harmed the other person before head .
That's greedy; the unconscious greed we tend to born with. Some just have more than others. Which tends to lead me to disappointment many times in the human beings and how selfish they are. Of course me myself am selfish at time as well, but I am just not that big of a greedy butt in compare. Yes, you can say I am a hypocrite all you want but you cannot deny the fact and say you are not greedy at all.
He called me this morning, apologizing for treating me how he treated me earlier today, he said to not take in any of the harsh words he say but even if I know he didn't really...mean what he says, how can you not take those things in at all. Especially on how harsh they are! Not noticing me getting a hair cut while everyone else noticed is one thing, but then saying that I need a haircut even right after me getting a haircut is just a bit overboard don't you think? Everyone thinks its not bad especially now i have bangs in compare to before without bangs. Yet he calls it ugly, thinking that nothing about my hair changed. Wow, and yet he expects so much from me.
This earlier morning he raged about not just my hair and the looks of it but the way I dressed. He said he ha to bare with it, the ugly t-shirts I wear and the ugly sweats. He went on saying how I should be fucking lucky and grateful for his acceptance over me and my unfashionable clothings but seriously, I changed the way i dressed so much in compare to before. Yet he isn't satisfied, what's his problem?
Then going on mentioning about our third monthiversary, saying how stupid I was enforcing a ugly jacket on, on such a ridiculous weather for a jacket. How I refuse to make him make me pretty. How I am not comprehending and working with him. Well if is wasn't for the jacket, I would have been frozen to death in the movie theater with their extremely strong AC. He responded my arguement with a stupid support, he said "how the fuck would you know that we would be fucking for to the movie theater?" In his head, he must have been thinking, "excuses, excuses, why can't she just fucking admit that it's her fault?"
Well whatever, whether you can find this blog or not, whether you read this or not. The whole point of this is only for me and many to read. I have no other purposes. But thanks for making me realize how stupid I am to be sticking with you and how stupid you are to not realize how much it hurts me when you wrote those.
Until next post!!
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