Thursday, November 29, 2012

Realization

It took me long enough, but I finally realized, sometimes things you desire the most tends to hurt you the most, because deep down you know you won't be able to obtain it. Seeing everyone else with it will just raise up the question of why god is being so unfair and treating people unequally. It's raining outside, I always thought depressing moments were during the rain because itself just adds on this bonus of atmosphere. It's quite funny, arguing with someone whom you thought was close to you and knew you well and then suddenly realize that he actually doesn't know you. Those insecure feelings tends to chill up your spine. Here I am in denial, continuously telling myself that I am spoiled and already have a good enough life and boyfriend. Such a stupid thought, because truthfully no one knows me well. I was so stupid to think that people would understand me completely. I mean even myself doesn't understand me.
Sometimes I wish I could just stand out in the rain and scream and cry, just to let all those guilt and things. Just to release those anger out of my system.
Guys, they never understand girls no matter how much they claim to understand them. Thinking that hanging up when I am I. The bad mood and avoid argument and attitude problem, well he never thought that for 18 years at random time I would wish that there is someone who would be there for me. Thinking that my dad would be is just the worst enough, here comes a stubborn chic who just simply turns.
Sigh, what do I do?

We until then!

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Greed.

Life is unbelievable. Greed take up everything. They take up what your family thinks what your friends thinks sometimes causes to useless troubles. But then again ,what are humans without trouble and greed? That's something we obviously cannot live without. Our emotion tends to drive us to ends. Our greedy self would tend to back us up making us think of the unfair and make ourselves the pity one while that may not be the whole truth itself. It's silly how a person thinks, how they think their all fair and justice and judge others all they want when in reality they themselves cannot do better. It's a stupid life concept but then people still do it regardless.
Where's that pure soul from long ago? The untainted soul, the one that sparkles and shines so bright. The one that our society will crush and ignore? It already seem impossible enough for me to find myself a great friend who will be there for me regardless, and now there's this?
I tend to wonder where our society goes to. Why this why that? Where's the real answer. Am I stupid? Shouldn't I be satisfied already with the result? No. Well I guess human never intended to change. And the best they can do would probably be self realization.

Friday, November 2, 2012

Sex.

How important is sex to girls verses sex to guys? Sticking a penis into someone's vagina, how important is that? Oh yes. To you men out there, it's probably a pleasure to be able to fuck some random girl on the street as long as its in your zone?
To girls losing virginity

Sunday, October 28, 2012

The sun that comes out after the storm.

Maybe things didn't turn out the way it is, maybe at times rather than being all stubborn and shy being outgoing in life is important.

10-28-2012

Friday, October 26, 2012

Importance.

That's a very very important word in our society. It's the people we choose over others, the things we would rather talk about in compare to many other available topics we could have had picked. It's the people around us we choose to get close to. It's the things we would rather do in comparison to doing other things because truly, time is limited.
Importance place a huge role in many different things. Would you rather hang out with your family, your friends, or your love one on the weekend or on a holiday tends to be one of the tough questions. Though some choices are harder than others, but it's nearly impossible to choose one of a billion if you know what I mean. It's not like you can always group two together and merge them like photoshop, it doesn't always work out. And sometimes the choices you make may lead to regret but at least you have set your priority straight from the beginning.
He on the other hand does as well, and of course I am not the first thing or even the first set of things on his priority. It sometimes hurt me a lot to to admit the truth, but then again it's true. He chooses education, famil, food and video gaming over me. I am not saying that is wrong or anything since education last a life time in compare to relations so does family, well most of the time. And its totally not wrong to choose them over me. But honestly, if you were to think I am messed up for not ditching my family's Christmas celebration than damn you are wrong. You would rather what? Not celebrate at all than to celebrate it on the actual date? You think it looses it's meaning of I don't celebrate the actual day with you? God damn it, when the hell do you see me complaining when you choose your family over me. You are so judgmental and as well as a hypocrite, you might as well just go in and blame me for everything else. Yeah no point of coming home early from your vocation now that you realize your girlfriend is gonna spend her Christmas with her family? Well okay then, if that is how you feel then please might as well just stay there longer. Because you know other days are not as worthful in compare?
Damn it, wanting you to stop eating junk food all the time is it for my benefit or yours? I dont even know anymore. "nothing can come in between me and food" well okay, gee thanks for making me feel less important than I already am.
Then now even video game is more important than me that you rather hang up while I am talking than to actually hear me talk? Well you know what, I regret thinking about you, I regret worrying about you getting worried of me. And I regret having those excitement that I have when I get to talk to you when I get home. I get to finally have a quite night with you at your house phone convo ing. That finally I can spend the rest of the next two days hopefully with you. And such and such, but then hey, I might be wrong about having those thoughts. Even though you worked so hard to come back on the weekends, though you need video game to relax but god damn hanging on me and just spend the rest of your night on video games, how the hell is that right ?
You don't see me watching drama and go like I must finish this episode before I stop. Or even do anything when I talk to you. No matter what time you call, of I am watching drama, playing a game, writing homework, doodling and chatting with my friends, I would stop and lie down to talk to you. Why the hell can't you do the same thing automatically without me begging you to and nagging you to?
Well my bad, perhaps i should be more acceptance towards who you are and how you are but honestly come on! It's just making me feel like an unimportant object that when you need you have and when you don't need you can just toss her to the fucking side.

Well...am I wrong?

Thursday, October 25, 2012

insecurities



      Why doesn't guys have the sense of "reasonablity" in compare to women? They don't understand how jealous women can get at times, they dont understand the insecurity we have either. All they know is oh "I love you" this, oh "I love you" that. But honestly how much do each of those words mean to them actually? I hate guys being close to girls as friends, it never turns well, something always would happen, and then jealousy hits. Then with that in mind, everything is over. I know it may sound stupid, but it's quite true, I mean think about this, if your boyfriend or girlfriend have a close friend who is the opposite sex, and even though you know they say oh this that this that will never happen, yet they hang around all the time, and he/she wears the hand made gift that the other made, then what will you think? Obviously more and more of things that shouldn't be thought about.

     Stupid communication, I know you can talk things though, but to girls things are harder to talk though in compare to guys. Guys can be super straight forward and they just sound cute and adorable trying to protect the one they love from others. But as for girls when they go straight forward, it makes them sound greedy, rude, and not lady-like. Oh please, like that is obviously what I am aiming for here. NOT! This is how this retarded society works, you can both be in the same position doing the same thing, but yet still judged differently. I hate these kind of sexist sterotypes, it tends to get on to my bad side.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Weather.



     Weather tends to be one of the main keys on people and their attitude towards the day and everything else. Weather is the thing we rely on to help us choose our daily wardrobe and other things. Weather is the main key of events going on in our daily life, without it, it may just seem strange, or rather unlivable.
     What gave me this topic out of ransom? These past few days, the weather here in California is extremely cold, cold to a point where it almost nearly seemed like if we're in the middle of the winter when in fact we're just in the mid-falls. These few weeks the clouds been moving and shifting everywhere, which creates this amazing site for many photographer, or people who loves clouds like me personally. My friends tend to think I am extremely weird, been taking pictures of clouds like nearly everyday when I see something worth a picture of. To them, its just a set of clouds that are moving in a rather slow speed, but to me, its a amazing site, its a calming scene, its a beautiful painting or photograph, its art. Of course I am not expecting my readers or anyone else to understand this concept since you know, its just from my point of view, but I hope that you guys at least feel where I am getting at.
    For example, on sunny days, you may feel happier than gloomy cloudy days just because the coloring of different scene is brighter when its sunny than when its cloudy. And just like sunny, for raining day it can get extremely depressing, thinking about having to bring an umbrella, having to stay warm and stay dry and all those other stuff. For students like me who doesn't own a car, can't drive yet, and walks home simply because parents refuse to drive me home, I hated raining days. Even since when I was young i hated raining days, since i was a hyperactive kid, every time when it rains, it means I cannot go out and play, I cannot run around without worrying about getting wet and getting lectured. And how cold it is, and how i need to try dry and warm or else I'd get sick. Its those things that gets me when I was young, but still similar things even as I reached older. Walking 45 minutes minimum home, climbing hills tends to be a challenge when its raining, especially those storms with strong wind, unless you have an umbrella that covers your front completely or which ever direction the wind is coming from, one side of your body, most likely the front is going to be soaked as well. And when you're walking home from school, its most likely you'd carry a backpack. Backpack always tends to stick out unless you have  a big umbrella, so which makes the situation worst, because you have to worry about the workbook, textbook, and homework that is in your backpack that may get wet, and then you have to either carry it retardedly by the front, or try moving/shifting your umbrella a little behind so then it would cover up the backpack. So just overall day, when it rains, to me its depressing.
    It's funny, because in the beginning I wasn't even planning to talk about raining days, I was just thinking about the different scene of the weather, but i guess might as well since I am already here you know. My main point was more towards temperture of the weather rather than the different kinds of weather itself. I was gonna say on hot humid weathers, or even hot dry weather, people's temper tends to bend and change and get grumpy easily over the strangest and the most unreasonable reason there are. In comparison on cold calming weather, though you might be cold and freezing to death, your temper would not be as bad as if you're hot. It's a strange thought but then isn't it true? Even for people who likes the heat more than coldness. Think about this, think about those people who said that and the way they act in different weather and tell me I am wrong. But you know, nature is a sort of art, and we as human beings are all a sort of art. Our attitude, our personality, all are part of arts as well. Maybe that's why we having art in our lives today. Perhaps that was part of the origin of art? Who knows....